Take time out. Seriously!

…a story about a time past and a time lost

I was sat with my niece a few days before deciding to write this. I sat and listened intently to her problems and issues. She’s having a rough time of it at the moment, but having gone through a realisation process of my own over the last few years, I tried to make her listen and see that there is another way.

I don’t think I succeeded though.

I remember saying the same things, repeatedly for years, until one day I was forced to take it, but thats another story.

Many of you have been there, and are still in that place. I know. Corporate life, travelling more often than not, client dinners, rich food, booze, and the crossing of time zones. You’re working 16 hour days, the rest of the time (if you have it), is spent with kids, loved ones etc. I must have tried and failed so many times over the years to read, exercise, unplug and do more with the people that I love… also known as the things that matter!

I lost count of the number of times I would have my daughter in one arm and a Blackberry stuck to the other! She’s falling asleep, I’m frantically typing or talking to someone the other side of the world. You don’t get those precious moments back, reading stories, watching Disney, answering those oh so innocent, untarnished questions about life.

At the time I was just on autopilot. Still young, loving the travel, Upper Class flights, five star hotels and expense accounts. To complicate it further, I was a single parent, but was fortunate enough to have family close by which enabled me to travel for extended periods before returning home.
Whilst I would never be away for more than two weeks at a time, I would always return home irritable and exhausted! To simply do it all over again a few days later. I didn’t really think anything of it. That is just what you do ? Isn’t it?

Cultural conditioning + social conditioning + parental expectations + chasing a life of more + chasing a life of status + a title….

The list goes on, and I am sure you can fill in the blanks.

I didn’t see much of my Father growing up as he worked abroad for many years, so aside from spending summers with him and my family, we would see him briefly for a week or so later in the year before spending months apart. He sacrificed his time with us and chose to be apart to provide us with the best that he could. Was I was doing the same?

As I packed a suitcase, I would pack another for my daughter.

She cried her eyes out when I left the first time, second time, third time, then less and less and less, to the point where the situation just becomes as they say business as usual. So you overcompensate to mask your own guilt and win some browny points. Sure you take a family holiday and the odd short break (with your emails on the beach).

You do find those occasional really precious moments that you can reflect on but instead of being a full album, it’s more a mini flick book.

Now in Secondary school the teenage years kick in and you wonder, outside of what you consider to be within the normal tolerances of erratic adolescent behaviour, why your child is either misbehaving or just not that interested in spending any time with you. You don’t fully appreciate the real consequences of what you have done, of your sacrifice.
She’s on her phone or wanting to see friends, not watching a movie or eating griddle cheese sandwiches with me (her favourite) anymore. But you’re addicted to the life, you don’t know another way. It’s just the norm now, and you don’t really consider changing it. You weirdly just take it on the chin.

Now in 6th Form, and the time has really passed, the dynamics of your relationship are completely different. An occasional movie if you’re lucky, still taking the odd family break. The time has gone. Kids find their own way and start their own adventures. There are no pictures left around the house for you anymore, or sweet notes left in your room, no more reading stories, watching Disney, or answering those oh so innocent, untarnished questions about life.

I don’t regret the experiences and the opportunity. I regret not finding a balance. That’s definitely all on me.

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