3 Hard Truths When Setting New Boundaries

Setting boundaries is difficult. For one, you have to actually know what your standards are, and then you have the not so easy task of communicating them to those around you. Maybe you’ve been failing to express your desire for commitment and instead have been self-abandoning with emotionally unavailable partners. Maybe you have friends who take advantage of your kindness or family who intervene too often in your life choices. Heck, maybe you’re in need of implementing boundaries with yourself. Yes, that is a thing. I have several self-assigned boundaries.

In all cases, we’re eventually required to have some hard conversations. This is a challenge in itself as those of us who lack boundaries lack practice in expressing our needs. For me, I experienced a great deal of anxiety in beginning to express what I wanted, as I’m sure many of you have, also. We’re likely to be in fear of potential conflict and rejection from those we care about.

Unfortunately, these are the risks we must take when beginning to put our needs first. In fact, there are several truths we must know as we begin to implement boundaries in our lives. This process can be unpleasant but ultimately we set boundaries for ourselves and to nurture our wellbeing. Anything less outside of reasonable compromise is self-abandonment and a high speed ticket to resentment and dissatisfaction. Remind yourself of these truths as you set boundaries with those around you:

In most cases we set boundaries for ourselves; to pertain to a set of standards that have our own best interests are heart. Of course, in some instances, compromise is necessary but even under these circumstances, our compromises will serve some sort of mutual beneficiary between ourselves and someone else -most of the time.

We don’t set boundaries to appease other people. This may sound like a selfish act but anyone with weak boundaries will know what can occur when we lack a strong base in self; we become dependent. Mark Manson describes boundaries as “Taking responsibility for you own actions and emotions while not taking responsibility for the actions and emotions of others”. Sounds pretty straight forward, right? It simply means we’re in charge…

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